Saturday, 10 November 2018

Welcome to the Hotel Bergogliona

On a dark Roman highway, dry gel in my hair
Old cries of “Evita!” echoing through the air
Up above on the platform, I saw an old man in white
My thoughts grew cloudy and my faith felt dim
I had to stop for the night.

Rosica stood in the doorway
I heard the rentboys’ cell.
And I was thinking to myself
"Is it Purgatory? Or is this just Hell?"
Spadaro lit up a candle and he showed me the way
There were giggles down the corridor
I thought I heard them say:

Welcome to the Hotel Bergogliona
Such a humble place (Such a humble place)
Such a pious place
Mercy abounds at the Hotel Bergoglionia
Any kind of slack (Any kind of slack)
They will cut you that.

The priests are Mapplethorpe-twisted, even those in Depends
They got a lot of pretty, pretty boys … seminarians
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat
Some rite to remember, some choose to forget.

So I called up the Cardinal
"Please tell me you’re straight."
He said, "We haven't had many such men here since nineteen-fifty-eight."
And old McCarrick keeps calling from far away
Wakes you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear him say:

Welcome to the Hotel Bergogliona
Such a yummy place (Such a yummy place)
Where there’s  no disgrace.
They makin’ things up at the Hotel Bergogliona
Time to catechize (time to catechize)
Then apostasize....

Putti on the ceiling
Pink chasubles and lace
Martin said "We are all just bridge-builders here, to our own disgrace"
And in the pontiff’s chapel
They celebrate their feast
Singing lots of happy, happy lies
In honor of the Beast...

Last thing I remember
I was kneeling on the floor
I had to climb the long way back to the faith I’d had before
"Relax," Paglia told me
"We’ve a program to deceive
Pose your Dubia any time you like
Since we just don’t believe!"


Catechist Kev said...

Oh man!

This is great. :^)

Aqua said...

Zmirak is brilliant. Love his books and his blog.

Thanks for this tweet stream, 8 tweets “to know and share”.

Anonymous said...

Great Stuff!!! LMBO


Anonymous said...

LOL from Agatha.

Osusanna said...

ha ha ha love it.

Kathleen1031 said...

Every American immediately knew the melody....maybe everybody else, I don't know...
We have to do this. For our own mental health we have to have these moments, to laugh at them, to mock them, to feel some sense of control, because otherwise,
we'd go crazy.

Anonymous said...

Poetic genius! TSE

Irenaeus said...

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

DeHereticoComburendo said...

Don’t worry, Kathleen. We Brits, too, know Don Felder’s “Mexican reggae” melody well enough.

I’m visualising the double-guitar solo now…. Burke and Schneider trading licks!

TLM said...


Neofito said...