BREAKING : Pope Francis to Pontificate on Easter Sunday at Traditional Latin Mass in St. Peter's Basilica!

VATICAN CITY - In a surprise announcement this morning, the Director of the Vatican Press office announced that Pope Francis will celebrate a Pontifical Mass in St. Peter's Basilica on Easter Sunday morning. It will be in reparation for the worship of the Amazonian idol and the betrayal of the real Catholics in Communist China and the worldwide closure of churches, suspension of the public Mass, and the withholding of the Sacraments due to the Chinese Communist Party Virus; the German Synodal "Way" and in repentance for the attack on the traditional Mass in Traditionis Custodes and its follow up rescripts. Francis is making a full recovery from his recent cardiomyopathy and is reportedly, "joyously overwhelmed" by the preparations.

The Holy Father has been studying in secreto the Traditional liturgy and has been so moved by it and decided to revoke Tradtionis Custodes. He will do this during the Homily in a solemn pronouncement enacting the points of Summorum Pontificum as an Apostolic Constitution. The Pope was ordained in 1969 right after the implementation of the Novus Ordo Missae by Pope Paul VI. Although he is familiar with the ancient Mass of his youth and years in seminary he has never celebrated it as a priest. Sources would neither confirm nor deny reports that the Society of St. Pius X has been quietly working behind the scenes with the Pontiff on the liturgical fine points.

Pope planning to sing and genuflect!



When asked about singing the Mass, our sources indicated, "Well he is a Jesuit after all, but Pope Francis will chant quietly in recto tono those parts of the Mass particular to him as the Holy Father has some difficulty with singing.  Questions have also arisen about the fact that there are so many genuflections in the traditional liturgy and the Pope only bows in the Ordinary Form at the Consecration. Sources indicate that the Pope "will do his best" and receive assistance from now Bishop Marini who will reprise his role as Papal Master of Ceremonies.

Papal Court re-established!

The Pope will enter St. Peter's Basilica carried on the sede gestatoria not used since the short pontificate of Pope John Paul I, suspected of being murdered by the wolves Pope Benedict XVI warned about. As for papal vesture, Monsignor Guido Marini verified that "the Pope will be properly dressed." This will include the fanon, buskins, and gloves as shown in this photo of Pope Paul VI. In fact, he will wear these exact vestments as shown including the mitre as these were used by Pope Paul VI the last Pontiff to celebrate the most solemn and ancient liturgy of the Latin Rite in St. Peter's Basilica. 

It was also announced that the papal court has been reconstituted today in the Motu Proprio "Quis ego sum iudex nimis?" by Pope Francis and the procession will include the ostrich feathered flabellum not seen in over a half-century.  In an effort to dissuade fears amongst PETLNFB -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Large Non-Flying Birds, sources said that in "harmony with the encyclical on the environment, Laudato si, no ostriches were harmed in the accumulation of feathers." Sources could not confirm if the Holy Father would wear the Papal Tiera.

Father Tom Rosica, CSB integral to this development

It has also been revealed that Father Thomas J. Rosica, CSB, formerly of Salt + Light Television, Canada's Catholic Channel of No Hope has been invited back to handle the worldwide broadcast. 

Sources indicate that between cleaning bedpans for retired Basilians at Presentation House, the once discredited and now rehabilitated plagiarist has been secretly studying the traditional rites and has been consulting with experts at the Toronto Traditional Mass Society and the Society of St. Pius X on the finer points of the liturgy. Father Rosica is studiously preparing to celebrate the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite and the Ego Sum Vox Cantoris Schola Cantorum is expected to provide the Gregorian chant.

Countering speculation that this story is too far-fetched to be true, a new fresco has been unveiled outside the entrance to the Chapel of the Hotel Santa Marta where the Pope says Mass daily to commemorate the event which should answer any doubts as to the veracity of this announcement.