Wednesday, 1 April 2020

BREAKING : Pope Francis to Pontificate on Easter Sunday at Traditional Latin Mass in St. Peter's Basilica!


VATICAN CITY - In a surprise announcement this morning, the Director of the Vatican Press office announced that Pope Francis will celebrate a Pontifical Mass in St. Peter's Basilica on Easter Sunday morning. It will be in reparation for the worship of the Amazonian idol and the betrayal of the real Catholics in Communist China. 

During this time of the China Wuhan Virus and the isolation in the Casa Santa Marta, The Holy Father has been studying in secreto the Traditional liturgy. The Pope was ordained in 1969 right after the implementation of the Novus Ordo Missae by Pope Paul VI. Although he is familiar with the ancient Mass of his youth and years in seminary he has never celebrated it as a priest. Sources would neither confirm nor deny reports that the Society of St. Pius X has been quietly working behind the scenes with the Pontiff on the liturgical fine points.

Pope planning to sing and genuflect!

When asked about singing the Mass, our sources indicated, "Well he is a Jesuit after all, but Pope Francis will chant quietly in recto tono those parts of the Mass particular to him as the Holy Father has some difficulty with singing.  Questions have also arisen to the fact that there are so many genuflections in the traditional liturgy and the Pope only bows in the Ordinary Form at the Consecration. Sources indicate that the Pope "will do his best" and receive assistance from Monsignor Marini.

Papal Court re-established!

The Pope will enter St. Peter's Basilica carried on the sede gestatoria not used since the short pontificate of Pope John Paul I, suspected of being murdered by the wolves Pope Benedict XVI warned about. As for papal vesture, Monsignor Guido Marini verified that "the Pope will be properly dressed." This will include the fanon, buskins and gloves as shown in this photo of Pope Paul VI. In fact, he will wear these exact vestments as shown including the mitre as these were used by Pope Paul VI the last Pontiff to celebrate the most solemn and ancient liturgy of the Latin Rite in St. Peter's Basilica. 

It was also announced that the papal court has been reconstituted today in the Motu Proprio "Quis ego sum iudex nimis?" (click on link) by Pope Francis and the procession will include the ostrich feathered flabellum not seen in over a half-century.  In an effort to dissuade fears amongst PETLNFB -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Large Non Flying Birds, Burke said that in "harmony with the encyclical on the environment, Laudato si, no ostriches were harmed in the accumulation of feathers." Sources could not confirm if the Holy Father would wear the Papal Tiera.

Father Tom Rosica, CSB integral to this development

It was also announced that Father Thomas J. Rosica, CSB, formerly of Salt + Light Television, Canada's Catholic Channel of Hope has been invited back to handle the worldwide broadcast.

Sources indicate that the once discredited and now rehabilitated plagiarist has been secretly studying the traditional rites and has been consulting with experts at the Toronto Traditional Mass Society on the finer points of the liturgy. Father Rosica is studiously preparing to celebrate the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite and the Ego Sum Vox Cantoris Schola Cantorum is expected to provide the Gregorian chant.

Countering speculation that this story is too far-fetched to be true, a new fresco has been unveiled outside the entrance to the Chapel of the Hotel Santa Marta where the Pope says Mass daily to commemorate the event which should answer any doubts as to the veracity of this announcement.

26 comments:

Fr. Brendan McGrath said...

Come now, an April Fools Day joke has to be believable.

just mel said...

Good one!!!!!馃槀

Osusanna said...

LOL!

Anonymous said...

You had me there for moment until I read about singing Jesuits.

Guest said...

You really fooled me! I was thinking "Wow! That's fantastic!" Then I read the last paragraph and was brought back to reality.

You're going to have do something really good to top that next year! :-)

Peter Lamb said...

Vox, This is hilarious! I won't admit publicly how far the hook, line and sinker got down my gullet, before the fresco induced a frantic regurgitation. ROFL!

Barona said...

This is amazing news! The best news out of Rome in years!!!

TLM said...

I agree with Brendan.....and that last photo.......when pigs fly! I also read another one, but realizing it's April 1st didn't bite on that one either.....that Francis has just announced his resignation. Well, that one is a LITTLE bit more believable, but not much more. :)

Anonymous said...

This is stunningly offensive — and on Easter!

susan said...

not for one second....not for one iota of a second....not for one nanosecond of a second did I even begin to believe any of this.....but pretty funny nonetheless.

A MOST blessed and grace-filled Easter to you and yours good-servant Vox.....may your reward be great....and may your voice continue to trumpet the Truth.

Christos anesti!!!

Kathleen1031 said...

You had me for a few lines, then I knew it couldn't be, lol. Good one, and I hate pranks, but we need to laugh these days.
Happy Easter Vox and All!

Justina said...

Yes, Bergoglio's blasphemies are enough to disgust anyone. (Oh, that isn't what you meant? You are shocked, shocked, then, that the man who calls his own perceived enemies every name in the book--and quite a few that aren't--should be subjected to a little pushback once in a while. Those are the rules, all right, for people who make up the rules themselves. They can dish it out, but they can't take it.)

Anonymous said...

http://tradcatknight.blogspot.ie/2018/04/new-mass-easter-horrorpictures.html?m=1

Ireneaus said...

This is great! Judging from a recent email exchange I had with him, Fr. Rosica is *totally* open to performing such a notable service to the Church.

MattTheCat said...

ROFLMAO - Great Gag

Meem said...

April Fools! Genuflecting is what alerted me. Thanks for the laugh.

Maudie N Mandeville said...

In reading the first paragraph I thought to myself, surely Vox can't believe this!馃槅 On a side note, Vox, the SSPX has cancelled all Masses and gatherings. From the email: So that is and was a joy, but now for a sorrow. We have all just today received new directives from Fr. Wegner, our superior. He is as of right now canceling all public Masses and sacraments. This includes all public gatherings of any kind at our chapels. Baptisms, anointings, funerals and weddings may still be done according to the legitimate social restrictions, but it is obviously with concern for the public aspect and nature of these services that he has cancelled them. He has acted out of a sense of justice, duty and charity.

So perhaps you should reopen your combox to those who were of a strident nature so that they may apologize.馃

consolata said...

So Well Written ! and how deeply I wished it were true, as in your heart-of-hearts, dearest Vox, you too wish it would be: otherwise you could not have conceived such a spectacular essay ! Maybe by this time next year we have answers to all our questions and wonder of wonders: maybe the world will finally be consecrated to Our Lady's Immaculate Heart - lets all pray for this - warmest regards, Consolata

sixlittlerabbits said...

LOLROTF at this great April Fool's Day post about our fool of a Pope.

Peter Lamb said...

ROFL !!! Vox you got me all over again !!!

Trg said...

Lol. You fooled me for a minute until I remembered it's April 1st

MILES said...

Cuando comenc茅 a leer pens茅 "Dios escucho mis oraciones! Bergoglio se convirti贸 al fin!
Era demasiado bueno para ser real...
Felicitaciones por tu sentido del humor! Cuando vi la imagen de los cerdos volando me hiciste re铆r! 馃榿

Vox Cantoris said...

Google translation:

"When I started reading I thought "God heard my prayers! Bergoglio was converted at last! It was too good to be true ... Congratulations on your sense of humor! When I saw the image of the pigs flying you made me laugh!"

Elizabeth said...

Good one!

Anonymous said...

Shades of 'Eccles is Saved' ... great minds think alike.

geoff kiernan said...

Where is the satire flag for this one?